Five more things we should stop saying in church (please!) Part V

imprrh@gmail.com —  November 21, 2014

Some of the most popular blog posts in the last 3 years have been these series on things we should stop saying. If you missed the previous ones here are the links.

http://leadsu.org/?s=five+things+

http://leadsu.org/2013/10/21/five-more-things-i-wish-people-would-stop-saying-from-the-pulpit/

http://leadsu.org/2013/12/15/five-even-more-things-i-wish-we-would-stop-saying-from-the-pulpit/

http://leadsu.org/2014/02/16/five-more-things-we-should-stop-saying-from-the-pulpit-part-iv/

Here five more (and a bonus):

  1. “Let’s tell the people we are starting at 7:00pm, so we can start at 7:30pm.”

This is Spanish church problem. I’m pretty sure other cultures respect people’s time and start on time. Here is my concern. We use this foolproof strategy thinking we can fool people into getting to church at the time we want them to. Only one problem. People are not dumb. If you do this every week, don’t you think people will pick up on it and arrive even later? How about this: Say 7pm. Start at 7pm.

  1. “Do you eat the image or the beast?”

This is a joke about whether you are vegetarian or not. It was funny like 30 years ago. Now the only people that laugh are the ones telling it and the ones that always laugh no matter the level of corniness of any joke. This usually happens at potlucks and Sabbath dinners. Next time that happens I’m going to respond with: “Neither one, but where should I put the pork ribs I brought today” with a straight face. What? Not funny? Neither is the “image of the beast” joke.

  1. “Let’s wait until people get here.”

One question: Why? Also, see #1.

  1. “How many of you had a hard week this week? I know I did.”

Really? You seem fine to me. How many bad weeks can you have dude? It seems like every week in church I hear this or a variation of it from someone. I just wonder what visitors are thinking. Here is good advice:

Get up.

Smile.

Sing.

Sit.

Please no long speeches that are unrelated to anything else. No venting or priming the pump. Its interesting to note that I seldom see people saying the opposite. Once in a while I would like someone to get up and say: “how many of you had an awesome week like I did? I sold my car, got a new boyfriend that doesn’t look like he just woke up, got a $1,000 check in the mail and passed my classes and to top it off I have a deeper understanding of the assurance of salvation”. Now that’s something to get excited about!

  1. “Are you a vegetarian? Do you eat fish, then?”

Here is a simple formula for you meat eaters: Unless the fish is made out of broccoli, no I don’t eat fish. In case you need further assistance, here is some basic information you may find useful:

Vegetarian-we eat nothing that’s an animal. Dead or alive.

Vegan- we are the ones with the 20 questions.

Raw- if you see one, take a picture. They have super human strength.

Bonus:

  1. “You know, I don’t eat __________________________.”

Some people feel the need to tell you what they don’t eat. No one asks them, but they feel compelled to share. A good way to respond would be: “So, do you eat fish then?”

 

Hopefully this made you smile. Have a great week and remember to stay active, healthy and holy.

imprrh@gmail.com

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