Pastor’s Wife: Thriving in the Fishbowl- Part 1 —  March 9, 2014

Any pastor’s wife can tell you that the responsibilities and expectations of the role can be overwhelming. The first step to a healthy experience in your ministry as a spouse (notice I didn’t say normal, because there is no such thing) is understanding who you are. Here are 10 different types of pastor’s wives* I have met over the years. The following is a descriptive, sometimes humorous (I hope) and real account of a pastor’s wife.


Ten types of pastor’s wives:

1. The “star” pastor’s wife.

She is what members think a pastor’s wife should be. She plays the piano. She is involved, but not too involved. She dresses hip but not too hip. She can preach, teach and mentor. She is the model mother. She is beautiful, sexy, and spiritual and exists only in your dreams.

Get real.

2. The “reluctant” pastor’s wife.

This wife finds herself unexpectedly in the midst of a career change. When you met him he wasn’t a pastor. In fact, he hated pastors. Now he is one. He asked you to support him, and while you had your reservations, how can you fight with God?

Be patient.

3. The “behind the scenes”  pastor’s wife.

She never wants to preach or lead. She isn’t in the board and would pay not to be on the platform. But let her loose behind the scenes and she shines. The hard part is members that ask: So, what do you do? Or Why don’t you…?

Be you.

4. The “in everything” pastor’s wife.

She has her hands in everything, from the children’s department to the chronic complainers that act like children. She is in every committee, board or ministry and she is not shy about voicing her opinion to them and to HIM about what should be done. God wants you to do something, He does not want you to do everything.

Be balanced.

5. The hurt pastor’s wife.

Something happened along the way. Unexplained criticism, hurtful words, secret meetings against your husband or you. After he shared with you what they told him at the board meeting you couldn’t find the energy necessary to attend that church or be much involved anymore. The double-lives and hypocrisy have drained your trust. The power plays and double face has left you jaded.

Be forgiving.

Next week part #2

Any comments or suggestions,

Let me know how I can pray for you.

*I will soon also write on the challenges and expectations of a pastor’s husband. There are at least 124 of you in the NAD and we honor you as well, but it’s a matter of a dedicated blog for you.

[1] Gallo, Carmine (2014-03-04). Talk Like TED: The 9 Public-Speaking Secrets of the World’s Top Minds (p. 6). St. Martin’s Press. Kindle Edition.

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2 responses to Pastor’s Wife: Thriving in the Fishbowl- Part 1

  1. this is great! cant wait till part 2!

  2. I’m glad you’ll be addressing the pastor’s husband, too. I wish there were more of them in our denomination. I will definitely be sharing that particular blog with a pastor-husband friend of mine (not SDA).