Sex and Ministry —  January 29, 2014

Someone once said that if you want to silence a room, talk about sex or death. We will leave death for another time. In this occasion, sex is on the menu. Ministers have sex too. They enjoy it, have issues with it and are tempted by it at the same rate as the people in the pews. Pretending this topic does not exist or is best saved for private conversations is helping no one.  Since the misuse of the gift has caused more than one great servant of God to fall and lose his/her authority and ministry, I want to share some thoughts about sex and the minister.

These are 3 principles that I have found personally helpful:

1. Sex is the one thing.

Think about this for a moment. If you are married, sex is probably one of the only things a person of the opposite sex can do for/with you and it not be a sin. Someone can wash your clothes, clean your house, have dinner, cook your meal, have a conversation…the list goes on. Since sex is that one thing, do it well. Take a trip to see Vicky (for those over 50, Vicky is short for Victoria Secret.  It’s where you buy clothing that is newer than that gown from 1973 with 3 holes, that smells like Bengay and looks like it needs to function as kindle)

Go on a date that ends well. Get a babysitter. Enlist church members or grandma to watch the kids. Goo all out.

Do it well. Like everything, your sex life can get in a rut. What kills marriages more than anything else is: ROUTINE.

Do it well.

2. Be specially mindful after mountain-top experiences.

Usually the devil leaves you alone while you are in the mountain. Retreats, days of fasting and prayer, high Sabbaths, baptisms after a crusade are all examples of mountain top adventures. It’s the next day when the real battle starts. The combination of emotional exhaustion and a neglect of the spiritual disciplines (after all, there should be some spiritual carryover from yesterday!) can be deadly. In North America, the day more people watch porn is Sunday. High spiritual days can be followed by intense spiritual attacks.

Watch and pray.

3. Take stock of your own family history.

Let me give you an example of what I mean. When we make a call for baptisms, we don’t believe that people can come forward that have some type of physical challenge such as a broken leg, and after they receive Jesus in their heart go back to their seats with assurance in their hearts, but no limp. Why is it so hard to understand that the challenges of our family of origin remain with us at a level we seldom acknowledge and persist in pretending does not exist? Usually what we repress we encourage. Sometimes the hurts have been so profound and the wounds so deep, we will preach with a limp the rest of our lives. Being mindful of your past and aware of your weakness will help you, not hurt you.

Hopefully this blog will help you in the journey to enjoy the wonderful, godly gift of sex. We need pastors/leaders to grow in this area and stay close to Jesus.

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One response to Sex and Ministry

  1. We agree with you wholeheartedly! We try to keep some intimacy as much as possible, even at church. When I (Karl) preach, my wife (Sharon) sits near the front and we have regular eye contact while I’m speaking. After the sermon, as I am headed out to greet people as they leave, I make sure to stop next to my wife and we walk out holding hands. With so many handshakes to come, my wife’s the the first I touch.

    For other pastors, we would recommend that having sex should be a priority Friday night, Sabbath morning or evening or Sunday morning. (Perhaps more than one of these.) No matter how the Sabbath turns out – being affirmed or attacked – this will bond them as Father intended (through the release of oxytocin and other hormones). No matter what, this makes sure us pastors know that our spouses are united strongly with us.