According to research from the Barna Group, young adults that left the church said that sexuality discussions in their local congregations were either non-existent or had a “just say no” attitude. Most of the discussions on sex I had growing up in church went something like this: “Whatever the question, the answer is NO!” I want to share some helpful information today in this area, that can make it all God intended it to be. A power point is available. Let me know if you would like it, in the comment section.
There are differences between men and women regarding attitudes, expressions and performance in sex. The better you know your spouse and yourself the better those 2.4 times a week most married couples have sex can become, instead of the “Social Security Sex: A little bit each month, but not enough to live on.”
Here are five areas in which we differ. Thanks to Family Life’s Weekend to Remember for the information, which I now share with you.
1. Attitude towards sex:
a. Men- their emphasis is on the physical aspect of sex. Men view sex in a “compartmentalized” way. What that simply means is, that most men, can have a big fight, lose their job, miss the last shot that would have won the game, and be ready for sex that same day.
b. Women- women have a more relational view of sex. For them, sex is holistic, which can be illustrated this way: Think of a chest with six drawers. One drawer is work, another is motherhood, another finances, another conflict, and another sex. For a woman to enjoy sex completely, all drawers must be closed, except for the sex drawer. For men, is different. They have a one drawer chest. It’s called sex. It’s always open.
2. Stimulation during sex.
a. Men are body centered. For them visual stimulation is key, as well as fragrance and actions in the bedroom.
b. Women are person centered. Key factors are touch, attitudes during love making that include the words that are spoken. It is good for husbands to remember that your wife is like a harp not a drum.
3. Needs during sex.
a. Men put a high value on respect. They aspire to be physically needed, and physical expression is highly regarded. Remember, wives, that sex is probably the ONE thing you can do to your husband that no other woman can do, without it being a sin. Another woman can wash his clothes, cook him a meal, etc. Intimacy is the ONLY interaction that is yours only. Do it well.
b. Women need security. They need that drawer to be closed shut. They aspire to be emotionally needed, and intimacy arrives when that happens. It takes sex to another level when the woman feels not only wanted for the physical pleasure she can bring, but for her whole being being connected with her husband. Men, practice something called “non-sexual touching” during the day, where you let your wife know she is loved for who she is, not just for what she does for you in bed.
4. Sexual response.
a. Men are acyclical, which simply means, they can be ready now. They are compared to a helicopter, in that quick excitement is normative. They are like a laser beam, once locked in, very difficult to distract.
b. Women- Women are cyclical (because of the period). This means that men need to develop sensitivity in this area. The speaker for the weekend, a wife of 33 years, and her husband kept a calendar, that showed “fun days” on it, and helped her husband understand her cycle better. Women take longer to achieve excitement, more like a 757 airplane than a helicopter and are easily distracted (specially by children moving around in the house), some say that “Killer sex makes kids, but kids kill sex.”
5. Achieving orgasm.
a. Men have shorter more intense orgasm that many times take less time to achieve. They tend to be more physically oriented, and the recovery time takes longer.
b. Women have longer, more in depth orgasms that are more emotionally oriented and it’s easier to repeat than men.
Sex is important. Hopefully we can have mature, biblical conversations about the topic to help a generation that lives in tough times.