Crucial Confrontations

imprrh@gmail.com —  April 10, 2013
Crucial Confrontations

I hate confrontations. Dislike them a lot. Don’t care for them. If truth be told, I’d rather have my teeth pulled; while a nurse with a Redskin jacket is drawing blood with a needle from my arm, than go through a confrontation, with the tension, misunderstandings, and anxiety that they tend to bring out.

Since this is an area I need to grow in, I was looking forward to participating in the Florida Conference’s Coaching program, led in part by Tim Nichols and his team. The entire day, the topic was on confrontation. Two books were recommended for developing confrontational skills:

Crucial Confrontations http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Accountability-Resolving-Expectations-Commitments/dp/0071829318/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365560054&sr=8-1&keywords=crucial+confrontations
Fierce Conversations http://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Conversations-Achieving-Success-Conversation/dp/0425193373/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1365560124&sr=1-1&keywords=fierce+conversations

Here are three important points for leaders:

1. Have hard conversations early.

If you are honest with yourself, there is probably a crucial confrontation that you need to have with someone, right now. Most people put off those conversations as long as possible, which is not healthy or helpful. Putting off confrontations is like discovering that you have some rotten meat in your fridge, taking it out, letting it sit on you counter for 3 days, and then tasting it, expecting it to be better. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Do it now.

2. When people show you who they are, believe them.

We want to give people the benefit of the doubt. That’s good. The problem comes, when we see people repeat the same patterns of destructive behavior, while we sit on the sideline watching and wishing things will change on their own. They seldom do. You are in charge. Be intentional about correcting behavior before it becomes a pattern and brings down moral. Correct it now.

3. Use the three pronged approach to confrontations.

This short 2 minute video describes this proven process in great detail. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4f-74WbnsU

You know who you need to talk to. Do it.

imprrh@gmail.com

Posts Google+

5 responses to Crucial Confrontations

  1. I’ve read Fierce Conversations and recommend it highly. The techniques and advice are applicable to personal, family, and professional relationships.

    “When the conversations stop, the relationship stops.” – paraphrased

  2. pastor, you’re so being used to convict me…u know how God reveals something to u, n u talk yourself down from FULL action, thinking, “well, maybe it just means i need to (fill in blank with anything LESS than what God’s really calling u to)”…yeah..that’d be me since Monday…until reading your tweets today.

  3. basically, i’d allowed taking initiative in confronting family members to be reduced to “well, maybe i’ll say something if it comes up.” but i’ve been convicted to confront. thank you. i’m praying God’s love casts any fear completely out of my life!

  4. thanks everyone for you comments, it makes me feel great to be a blessing

    • WOW, pastor H! 4 years ago, and it seems like a lifetime. a FB memory brought me here. I confronted the family members I needed to, and two months later, God brought me the healing I’d been so desperately seeking. Not only that, in the last 1-2 years, He’s been working in my life and theirs to restore those relationships sin tried mightily to eclipse. thank you. the confrontation was needed for this healing process. Confrontation can lead to cultivation if we let it. 🙂